Thursday, April 14, 2011

Confused and alone

She was told “Your mommy went to visit Jesus” . . . .which for a 9 year-old girl was the polite way of saying “Your mom has died”. The girl was confused as she knew her mom would not visit anyone without her and that she knew Jesus was in heaven. She spent the rest of the day, laughing and playing (sadly she thought her mom would return after the visit).
As it came to the day of her mom’s funeral, she by then knew that her mom was going to be six-foot under and still did not mind (as she continued to be a happy, cheerful girl she was born as). She was confused as to why people were pouring their eyes out and why they would be that sad, because surely she should be the one crying. She walked ahead of her mom’s coffin with a big smile on her face, trying to hide the confusion. Slowly she started feeling alone.
As she stood at her mom’s grave, she looked at everyone there . . . it finally hit her . . .she was going be alone. She then burst into tears for the first time after her mom had died, this was the end of her confusion. A while afterwards she blamed everything that went wrong like failing a test on her mom that died. Alone is what it was like every time she needed comfort/ someone to lean onto felt like. Alone when she saw her friends’ mom pick her up from school . . . then running into her arms, the joy in her friends’ eyes tore her apart.
Today that lady is no longer alone . . .that lady may just be slightly confused on life changing decisions. Although she may never know what it is like to cuddle with a mom, she surrounds herself with herself with people who make her day worth living for.

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